The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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