I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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