I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
