Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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