Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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