i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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