All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I deserve this hangover.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
