My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
