last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize