If that was your dad, he is hot
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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