My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
