how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
