I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
