Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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