i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
