I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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