What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
