God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
