Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize