I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
