Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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