Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
