I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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