In the future we'll all be gay
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
