Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize