The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
