I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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