so that wasnt chicken after all
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
