I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
