Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
