It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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