You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
