i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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