I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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