ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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