dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
