How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
