this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
