Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
