if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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