those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
