you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
