Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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