So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
