We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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