ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
