Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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