You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
