porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
