I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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