I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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