someone threw a dead crab at me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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