why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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