If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
