One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
