Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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