he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
