What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
