i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
