I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
