my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
