I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
