you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
