just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
