tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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