I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
