We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
