Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
