I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
