I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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