I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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