Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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