If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
