"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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