I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh god it's open bar.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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