I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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