you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
