i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
