forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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