I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
