I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
