on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
