therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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